i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
