I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
