Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just gargled with NyQuil
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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