I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
