I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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