wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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