I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
