we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
