i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
