just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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