Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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