I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
