Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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