I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
this will be a night to untag.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
