He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
