you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
