She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
