I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
