The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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