we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
