FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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