Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Edward fifth and chaser hands
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
