hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
