white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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