dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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