Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
