You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
