White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
how does that bad decision feel?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
