No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
