My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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