Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think I sprained my soul last night
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
