so explain again why im purple
no
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
