20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Sorry about my life...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
