I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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