Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
