He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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