party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
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