Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
