Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
