i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
