Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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