Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
