it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
