i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
