i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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