He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
