Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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