She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
