She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
