new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
