I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I skipped work to stalk him.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
