I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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