shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
