i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
