my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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